Day 1

6/4/2011

As a kid, you're always excited to play house, to have sleep overs with your best friends, to go on trips and see the world, to do anything but be at home.  Today was so hard, maybe it was the reality that this is my new home, or that my mom leaves tomorrow and i'm staying here.  Who will take care of my parents, make sure they're eating, taking their medications have a roof over their head? If not me, than who?  They can't take care of themselves and it makes me so depressed.  Not just sad like when you see an old lady fall, the kind of sadness that your heart aches and you try to hold back the tears but they just flow.  My heart aches for my parents, I know that they have brought this life upon themselves but I wish I could make it so much better for them.  Whatever it may be I tried my best and my hardest to stay positive and keep busy but i'd find myself breaking down every so often.  When we were at the mall today I saw a group of girls and it made me jealous.  I can't call up my friends to go shopping with, to get coffee or have a beer with.  It is me, and this big lonely city of Charlotte.  What in the world was I thinking? I left a great paying job, health insurance, a beautiful state that was close to my family even though my family was not perfect, I had finally grown to love and accept them.  I left friends that knew and loved me best and that got me through some of the hardest times of my life to this.  Nothing.  A clean sheet of paper with nothing on it.  No job, no health insurance, no family, no friends. N.o.t.h.i.n.g.  as I lay on the cool hardwood floor writing this the only thing I hear is the fan turning. Click. Click. Click. and I begin to panic more and more. What was I thinking? Why did I do this?  What am I going to do if I can't find a job?  What if I don't fit in here?  I mean, obviously I need to figure somethings out about myself but did I really have to move a million miles away from the things I knew and loved to....this?

Anyways so today we semi-slept in 7am back home but 9am here.  We decided to go check out the Nascar Hall of Fame.  It was $19.99 for adults and $17.95 Senior Discount. Super expensive! We'd rather do it with a bunch of people, not the two of us.  So mom stopped off in the gift shop and got some gifts for the boys.  We went to this huge mall. Concord Mills Mall, kinda like the Colorado Mills Mall but much. much. bigger, I mean they had like a bungee jumping thing for peeps to do and a merry go round. it was so poppin/hoppin there were tons and tons of people.  I would hate to see that place during Christmas Shopping season!!  We mainly just walked around and window shopped.  Most of the stores were snooty and expensive.  Those middle Kiosk people were the worst (you know, the people that say, 'Hold out your hand' or 'Let me reduce your lines and wrinkles') they were so annoying.  The one I did want to try was threading.  They thread your eye brows and facial hair and I wanted to try it buuut I chickened out.  I will stick to my waxing thank you very much.  That's the other thing, I miss those evil lady's at Putting On The Wax even though they are nasty, I used to dread going in there and sometimes they would leave Welts on your face I miss the familiarity of them.  And it used to take only a hot minute to get to Wal Mart or King Soopers, now it takes a hot HOT minute to get to Walmart and Harris Teeter (the King Soopers of the south).  I mean you can't just run to the store real quick it's more like hey i'll be back in 15-20 minutes. Oh so after that we went to Lowe's so I could get shelving to put all of my clothes on.  I'm pretty content with it, and the people at Lowe's of course were super nice and helpful.  So we came back to the house and Adam put it back together which was super nice of him.  We ate at BT Burger it was a cute lil joint a mixture of Subway and Culvers.  Subway because you can pick everything from your toppings your cheese to the burger patty.  And your side.  Culvers because you order at the counter and they bring it to you.  Now we're at home, my mom is resting Adam and Amanda are grocery shopping and here I am laying on the cool hardwood floor half sulking.  Were supposed to watch the Dilemma and then I have to get up at 345ish in the morning to take my mom the Airport to make sure she gets out on time. Boooooooooooooooo.